Not while I love
by Dancing Mask
Summary: The thought of her gave him strength… what will he do when she turns away? Romantic quartet, with a doomed Tsuna x Kyoko romance.
1. Regrettable Decision

Disclaimer: Katekyo Hitman Reborn belongs to Akira Amano, and no other.

Not While I Love

The first- Regrettable Decision

The afternoon sunlight filtered through the kitchen window, bathing Nana Sawada in a warm, lazy glow. The usually crowded kitchen only held only the young looking, short-haired brunette woman, which was something of a quiet reprieve for her.

Setting aside some pickled ume and nori seaweed, she began the process of making onigiri- a treat for her son. Since coming home from school today, more than an hour ago, he had gone straight to his room, shutting himself away without a word.

Friendly mouth settled in a concerned frown, she wondered what had happened to Tsuna today. Even if he hadn't ignored her and said things were fine, she would have known- call it maternal instinct, but she could always gauge his mood with a glance. And right now, he seemed unhappier than he had been in a long time.

Sighing, she hoped he would get better soon, as she diligently worked on the rice balls. He overreacted over small things, true, but he seemed genuinely depressed right now…

Tsunayoshi Sawada lay on his bed, unseeing. He couldn't stop thinking about how he had confessed to Kyoko, and how it could have gone so wrong.

During the actual confession, he had barely noticed a thing, as if he were in a dream-like state. But he had obsessed over that moment for the rest of the day, his mind replaying the same scene endless times, until he could recreate that moment in exquisite- and excruciating- detail.

It was the end of lunch. Kyoko had been about to go back to class, and the courtyard was nearly empty. Tsuna had been hoping they would be on the rooftop that lunchtime, suggesting it several times, but Gokudera was hardly one for subtle hints, and had been too lazy to go up there with the rest of them.

The rooftop had felt right, like a perfect place for this sort of thing, but there was no way of casually asking her to go all that way alone with him. He knew his nerve wouldn't hold out for long, and he had a feeling that today was the right day for this, so he convinced himself the place didn't matter. The courtyard it was.

Tsuna had fussed over everything imaginable, such as wishing he had brought mints to hide the smell of his bento, eaten at the start of lunch and still sure to be on his lips. He had somehow forgotten a comb, and was sure his hair was a horrible mess.

He barely noticed the conversation around him; heart thumping like a taiko-drum being beaten loudly at a festival. His mind could only handle one concept- today, he was going to ask out Kyoko Sasagawa.

Looking back, Tsuna still couldn't believe he had actually done that. His eyes closed with the memory of her face- her shock, slight embarrassment, and a look he instantly recognised as pity. The same look everyone always gave him, he knew.

He was No-Good-Tsuna- how could he have hoped, or even dared to imagine her going out with him?

"_I'm so sorry… Tsuna, you're a great friend, but…" _

Tsuna turned over, burying his head into his pillow. He remembered telling her all about the mafia by the setting sun, and how she had accepted it so calmly. How she had looked up in gratitude when he saved her life in the future, or when she had given him that small charm up at the school.

It must have really been just some small trinket to her, Tsuna sadly realised, having thought of the little fish with such magnitude like an idiot. If she hadn't sewn it into his clothes, thoughtfully, he would have thrown it out of the window right then and there.

He'd somehow thought that all of those times with her meant something, that she really did think of him in a similar way… but maybe she was just that kind to everyone. Of course she was- her kindness was one of the things about her that he loved the most!

Tsuna turned once more on his bed, as if he was covered in an unbearable itch.

"_Are you alright? I… I wish I felt the same way, but…"_

She had stammered the whole time, blushing. She must have been flattered, even if she didn't reciprocate his feelings, he thought.

The tress burning a bright green behind her, the warm red brick of the wall- the memory of that moment seemed burnt into his retinas, unable to let him think of anything else. Even the ever-present worry of the mafia world seemed distant, and unimportant.

What mattered was that the fun, kind, unbearably pretty, creative girl in his year had just said no, and would probably never feel comfortable around him ever again.

Tsuna remained in his room the whole day.

Reborn kept a close eye on his pupil, from outside on a tree. Calmly polishing the handgun he had just taken apart, more out of habit than any real purpose, he thought about Tsuna.

He had seen Tsuna's botched declaration of romance from another hiding place, and was glad his student had finally gathered the backbone to ask such a thing. His expressionless eyes betrayed nothing, as he pondered how exactly to treat Tsuna. He decided a small break from training would suffice; in a few days, training would resume as normal.

He was already responsible for clearing the house that day, so as to give him some time alone. Reborn wouldn't say he was doing this all for Tsuna of course; if the boy snapped in his state and said something he might later regret to Lambo, Gokudera, or anyone else who annoyed him, things could become difficult.

A small part of the hitman wondered what he would do next, and how Tsuna would recover. He'd held it together surprisingly well in class, merely quiet and a little glum.

Later, that night. Tsuna had attempted to eat, as well as play some games, but was unable to do either. He thought he'd finally decided on what to do, after seemingly hours spent staring up at the ceiling.

If the young Vongola Decimo simplified it, there were 3 choices open to him. Date another girl, which was obvious, but seemed impossible to him. He'd never felt this way about someone else; he could hardly think of dating at all without Kyoko involved. That assumed the next girl he liked would even consider him as well, he thought dejectedly.

The next option was to not consider dating, and focus all of his extra time and emotion on school work, or even sport and mafia-training. This didn't seem like an option to the boy, and was also discarded immediately.

His final option, to him, made absolute perfect sense.

Kyoko had always been on his mind, before she even spoke to him at class. He had been in serious risk of becoming a recluse or hikikomori at one point in life, when the bullying and teasing became too much.

But knowing she was there at school gave him a reason to go, and she had helped him a lot, even without her knowing. During all of the mafia business, and all of the battles he had fought, Kyoko was one of the people he would willingly die to protect, and had been his motivation when things seemed their darkest.

The thought of her gave him strength…

So he would be with her after all. Tsuna didn't know how he would convince her to give him a chance, or how long it would take, but he had to try. There had to be something, some reason she would go out with a loser like him, and he would find it.

Eyes widening with hope, Tsuna knew he sounded a little desperate, even in his head. But there was no way he could forget about someone as loving and amazing as her.

Kyoko hadn't given him a clear reason why not, which made it seem even more possible to him.

"_I'm sorry, Tsuna-kun… I just, don't see it happening."_

"_But why not?"_

"_Well… I just can't. I'm sorry, I have to go to class now." And with that, she had paused for just a second, before hurrying indoors._

_Crestfallen, Tsuna had wanted to yell back a dozen thoughts, feelings and reasons at her, none of which came to his lips. _

She hadn't said she would never date, or even why she would not… Tsuna knew he was grasping at straws, but it wasn't like she liked someone else, or was against dating guys at her school.

There was every possibility that it was some small, easily-removed reason that had made her say no. Tsuna clenched his fists unconsciously, as he steeled himself. If he could find out why she had said no, he would be able to change her mind. This thought resonated with him, like a mantra against depression.

And so, Tsuna's feelings towards Kyoko did not change at all, and he decided to continue trying to win her heart regardless.


	2. Do you remember?

"Hey Kyoko-chan? Could, um, could I have a word?" His arm reaches across the hallway, lightly pulling her back.

"Tsunayoshi-kun! Oh, I didn't see you there." She turns around, automatically using the formal version of his name on response. He flinches inside, thinking she has done it to distance herself from him, as opposed to an accident.

A slip of the tongue, due to her confusion towards him. Kyoko was unused to this sort of situation, and really hadn't meant it the way Tsuna took it. But it's said that anything blurted out or spoken by accident is how someone truly feels inside, betraying what they think.

Not While I Love

The second- Do you Remember?

Tsuna gulped, his nerve failing him for a moment. The two students stared for a brief moment, the recess crowd rushing past them in the hall.

"Um. The roof?" Tsuna managed, pointing up in what was undoubtedly a clumsy, stupid-looking gesture.

"Sure," Kyoko smiled nervously. She was slightly confused as to what he wanted to say, but knew it would be awkward, and was wishing Hana was around to serve as a distraction.

Tsuna thanked the stars that Hana wasn't around- he'd been hoping to talk to Kyoko in private for almost a week now, and wasn't sure how much longer he could wait. He hadn't seen her one-on-one since the ill-fated day he confessed, which was eating away at Tsuna's insides faster than any flames could.

Up on the roof, he paused for a moment, trying vainly to remember the conversation he had planned out in his head the night before. The clouds seemed to rush past above them, darkening the sky too quickly.

"Kyoko-chan… I…"

"Yes?" Kyoko smiled as patiently as she could, trying to make this easy on him.

"I…" his arms suddenly clasped hers, as he looked the girl right in the eye. "Please think again!"

"Tsuna-kun-"

"No, hear me out," he begged. "I really think we could be perfect together, if you just gave me a chance. I'd do anything to make you happy, Kyoko-chan; trust me." He looked her in the eyes for a moment, unsure where to continue. They waited for a lifetime, countless hours of waiting filling that small moment before she replied to him.

"I, I already told you. Tsuna-kun, I don't feel the same way, and I can't just pretend I do. I'm sorry, but-"

"No, there has to be something here. I'm sure of it!" Tsuna tightened his fists, eyes clenching shut as he tried to continue without his voice wavering, or letting the tears out.

"Remember that time you gave me that small charm? Didn't that mean anything? Or the times I saved your life, or those times the whole group were together, and you just seemed to be on my team, or by my side nearly all of the time? I'm sure you've felt the same way! What about-"

"Tsuna-kun, I think you're looking into this too much!" Kyoko interrupted his speech, flinching backwards a little. His hands were balled in fists, and through her eyes, the short boy looked like he might hit her if she didn't agree… was he that upset?

Tsuna slumped backwards, her words starting to sink in.

"But… but I'd do anything to make you happy. I'd always be there for you, Kyoko-chan… I'd be more loving than any other guy in the world!"

"I can't love you back just because you love me! It doesn't work like that! I'm really sorry…" Tsuna's eyes widened as he saw her blink tears away. She'd even yelled… he must have been upsetting her, he realised.

Kyoko turned to the railing, kneeling on it as her knees felt weak. He didn't seem to grasp that she didn't feel that way back… At the back of her mind, a familiar scene played before her eyes: Tsuna flying across the sky, burning anyone who threatened his friends. Since going to the future, this was one of the things that had scared her the most.

Tsuna was emotional- what would happen if he got angry, and attacked someone before he knew what was happening? He could kill people, or level the entire school… She might never feel safe around him.

Yes, she had felt something towards him, once. But that was when he was a regular boy- she had trouble even thinking of him as human during his battles. Unlike the others, whose powers seemed to come (at least in part) from swords, gauntlets and bazookas, Tsuna seemed ready to have flames pouring out of him at any moment, like a loaded gun. Now, she was uneasy being alone with him at all…

Tsuna looked on, despair shrouding his vision. Kyoko had turned her back on him, and was looking across the railing at the sky… Wouldn't she say anything? Nothing, at all? He felt like such an idiot…

Tsuna had rehearsed in his mind over and over again the ways he would ask her again, but it was all for nothing. Like an idiot, he'd just blurted it out, and now she seemed almost scared to face him.

"Could you just tell me why?" He looked down morosely, sure his one chance with Kyoko was gone.

"Why?" she looked around, fidgeting with her hands absent-mindedly.

"Why don't you feel the same way? Why won't you even give me a chance, to see if I am terrible at dating? Why am I such a loser?" he mumbled, wishing he could die right then and there.

"No, you're not!" she argued, and meant it. "I'm really sorry, I _do_ like you as a friend." For a moment, the darker thoughts of him bursting into flames crept into her mind again, but she ignored them. She didn't need to tell him something like that.

"But just as a friend, right?"

"Yes… I don't know; I just don't feel that spark, or certain way towards you. No one really understands all of their feelings, right?" Kyoko felt incredibly warm and flustered, and just wanted to run down the stairs somewhere else.

Tsuna listened to her, unmoving. He was still convinced if she just gave him a chance, and saw what he was like when on a date, then she really would know whether or not he was right for her. How could she just say no, and never have the chance to find out? She was basing her decision on nothing at all…

Tsuna stopped himself, realizing he was just harassing her right now.

"Thanks, Kyoko-chan," Tsuna tried smiling at her, and let her go down the stairway. He remained up on the rooftop for a little while, trying to think. The clouds seemed to grow darker every passing minute, rushing past him. They would have rain soon… it resonated with his mood.

For the rest of the day, the enormity of her decision finally rested on him. Before, he'd held on in vain to that small chance she might be with him, even if it was only for one day. Now, that would never happen.

It was on the walk home when he finally realized. The promised rain was pouring down steadily, and his umbrella was heavy with the feeling. Gokudera and Yamamoto were arguing about something next to him, and hadn't seemed to notice how subdued he was- or if one had, he held the tact not to openly ask him about it.

A hot burning feeling sank through his insides, as he realized he was a massive hypocrite. The twisting, red-hot feeling stopped him right in his tracks, as Tsuna turned around.

"You forget something?" Yamamoto asked.

"Um, yeah… I'll see you guys later!" Tsuna quickly headed back, bag swinging.

"Want me to go with you, tenth?" Gokudera offered, but he declined. Tsuna wouldn't take up their time, he told them. Breaking out into a run, he couldn't believe he had been so oblivious to someone right near him…

Haru.

…_if she just gave him a chance, and saw what he was like on a date, then she would know whether or not he was right for her. How could she just say no, and never have the chance to find out?_

He'd been depressed that Kyoko had ignored such powerful feelings, when she knew he felt that way. But Haru had told him months ago how she felt, and he'd just ignored it… How badly must she be hurting?

Tsuna was panting when he arrived outside her school- fortunately, it was close to his house. Scanning the crowd of uniforms through the rain, he resolved to give her the chance she deserved. He wouldn't just ignore someone from now on- how could he, after seeing how badly it hurt firsthand?

He had no idea if he could come to see Haru as anything other than an eccentric friend, but he would give her that chance. That seemed right to him…

Who knew where it could lead? Spotting the girl on top of a low brick wall, walking with her arms stretched out, he decided to ask her out right then and there.

And so, a desperate Tsuna rebounds onto Haru… this is bound to work out well…


	3. Second chances hurt twice as much

A boy and a girl walk along the path, crossing a fountain and several stores selling food, clothes and electronics. The girl seems to be bouncing with every step she takes, her arms and body hugging the boys arm tightly. They are both dressed for a day out, her in a bright skirt, dark leggings and canvas slip-on shoes, him in a sports jacket and his good trousers.

The scene is an idyllic one in the bright sunshine, with no clouds and a light wind. A flock of birds suddenly appears overhead, close to one hundred casting shadows over the two for some time. They both look up in appreciation at the rare sight, laughing.

Only for a brief moment, when the boy's face is aimed up at the sky and his emotions unguarded, can one see his heavyhearted despair. For he has made a cruel mistake.

Not while I Love

The third- Second chances hurt twice as much

Just hours before, Tsuna had frowned into his mirror, attempting to smooth down his messy brown hair. He was preparing for his third 'proper' date with Haru, but it would probably be his last.

He thought back on his dilemma, plagued with uncertainty. Tsuna had begun dating Haru Miura one month ago, while still reeling from his rejection from Kyoko. Since then, they had gone on two dates, along with regular group meetings, at his place and the like.

Haru had been ecstatic from the moment he asked her out, he could recall. She had been outside her school, just about to walk home. Tsuna had caught up just in time, finding her up on the brick wall, arms outstretched for balance, as she followed it out of the school.

Tsuna was still puffing lightly, having run there, and held his umbrella limply in one hand by his side. Haru had turned to look down at him, surprise and delight over her features as she saw him visit. The grey sky above them continued to rain, soaking Tsuna lightly, while she was dry under the school walls.

_How badly must she be hurting?_

He ignored her greeting, looking up at her for a moment.

"Haru... will you go out with me?" Tsuna smiled at her, pulse quickening. Haru's reaction was immediate, as she squealed in happiness and leapt down into his arms. Tsuna laughed awkwardly at the tackle-hug, falling backwards onto the ground with her on him. It had felt so right…

Tsuna splashed water in his face, attempting to forget about that moment completely. Every time he thought about Haru, he felt like such a creep. This wasn't anything she had done, or even anything he had done. At least not yet.

Tsuna frowned as he fiddled with the buttons on his shirt, and realised he had done them up incorrectly. Undoing his shirt, his mind was already filled with thoughts of the dark-haired cheerful girl yet again. The problem was a simple one, but it was one of the most complicated situations he had been in.

Tsuna had no feeling for Haru. He liked having the strange girl as a friend, without any qualms. She was nice to him, unrelated to the mafia, and female- all rare things for his social circle. But he had no urge to kiss her, or hold her. He had never once imagined what she would be like to wake up next to, and he felt uneasy telling her anything personal or sacrosanct.

He had now raised her hopes by agreeing to date her, and Haru thought he felt the same way back. He had waited beyond the first few days, merely hoping he was new to these things, and before he knew it Tsuna had dated her for a month without telling her. He really was a coward…

Burying his head in the palms of his hands, he wondered how he could get through this without hurting her. Regardless if Tsuna's thoughts were romantically inclined or not, he didn't want to make Haru cry. If he could live his whole life without making someone cry, that would be enough for him.

The problem was, Haru loved Tsuna unconditionally; this was no shallow, hero-worship like he had first assumed. She had tried her best to support him, not letting him see her breakdowns in the future, which he had only recently found out about. She had openly admitted she loved his smile, blush and laugh. Haru had asked him how Reborn's tutoring was going, and comforted him every time. She even shared the last of her cake with him- there was no doubt to the strength of her emotions.

In the face of that, what could he say?

"Oh, hey, I only asked you out because I pitied you, and never really meant it that way. You're just my rebound, and I wanted someone to hug for a day or two- even my mother would have sufficed, really. Okay? Thanks, see ya around."

At which point Tsuna slammed his head into his desk, hard.

Gulping, he turned to face the girl. Looking, he was struck for a moment by how serene this moment was. A few happy shoppers were scattered around various tables, all dining outside in the warmth of the sun. His milkshake tasted fantastic, and the fountain behind them was all the music he could want.

The light breeze blew Haru's ponytail across, eyes crinkling as she looked right into the wind. She was cute; Tsuna was aware of this, even if he felt no greater feeling towards her. She was obviously smart to go her school, and she was very kind to animals and children. In fact, several jocks at school had questioned him, wondering how someone like him was dating Haru.

But none of that was enough. Putting down his drink, he tried to look Haru right in the eye.

"Um, Haru? I have to tell you something."

"Sure thing!" she looked at Tsuna expectantly, face beaming with a million watt smile.

"Well, it's not a very nice thing- that is, it's pretty bad…"

"Eh? Hahi?" her head cocked to one side, as she wondered what he meant.

"Sorry, I'm trying to warn you. This is kinda important, but I don't know how to say it," Tsuna rubbed the back of his head in confusion. What way was best?

"Well, just tell me straight. I'm tougher than I look!" reassured Haru eagerly. She wasn't worried at all by what he said, instead trying to reassure Tsuna that she was indeed capable to know mafia secrets. As his wife one day, she wanted him to always feel like he could say anything to her- no matter how bad!

Tsuna sighed under his breath, fiddling with his hands a little. He forced himself to stop, sitting on them as he finally managed to say it.

"Haru," he suddenly bowed forward, eyes clenched shut in anticipation, "I think we should just be friends!"

Haru looked at him for a brief moment, face still in shock. She turned away, causing Tsuna to worry further. Was she wiping her eyes now? He waited for a moment, letting her speak first, while butterflies spiralled at amazing speeds inside his stomach. He worried he'd spoken too loud in his outburst, but no one was looking at their table, so maybe that was okay.

A dozen other thoughts crowded for his attention, as Tsuna tried to wait for her response. Was she sad, and he should hug her? Was she angry, and wanted him far away? Maybe she was just happy like always, ready to move on already, for all he knew. His breath felt tight- why couldn't any girls he knew just say what they were feeling?- when he had to break the silence.

"Haru? Are you okay?" He spoke gently, but she didn't react. "I'm really sorry, I am. It's nothing you did, it's just how I feel, and I really wish it was different."

"What does it matter why?" Haru's voice was sullen, and she spoke with her back to him. "You're dumping me. That's all that matters."

She sounded really hurt, but he couldn't hear any tears or her nose-sniffing, so maybe it would be okay. Tsuna got up hastily, trying to apologize.

"Well, it's just when I was rejected, knowing why was the only thing that mattered, so I assumed you'd might want to-"

"I don't care what happened to you!"

"No, that's not it, I meant, um," Tsuna stammered. How could he help her? He reached out, placing an arm on her shoulder, but it was immediately thrown off. As Haru turned, her eyes glared at him through tears, stubbornly refusing to let them drip. She picked up her bag and tried to walk off calmly, without running. Tsuna felt his arms droop to his sides, suddenly feeling very heavy.

"Haru, please, I didn't mean to hurt you! I'd still like to be friends." He tried to follow her, wishing she'd hit him or something, but Haru was too quick. She ran the moment she left the corner, and was soon out of sight. He could see her tears falling freely from this distance, but he had no idea what to do.

Tsuna had tried to make her happy; he'd wanted happiness for both of them. What had gone wrong? Sighing, he slumped down on some nearby steps, suddenly too tired to even finish the walk home.


	4. Moving Backwards

Not while I Love

The fourth- Moving Backwards

Back at his house, Tsuna tried calling Kyoko, planning on having her go check on Haru and comfort her. She needed a good friend right now, and that was all he could do. Naturally for someone with his luck, she wasn't home, so he had to find Bianchi and I-pin. When that was done, and Binachi had shot him dirty looks, he rested at his desk and tried to do some of his homework. It made no sense, and he spent more time looking at equations thinking than actually accomplishing anything.

He wondered if anyone in the world was right for him, and got a little depressed. At least when he liked Kyoko, there was someone to focus on, and hope to be with one day. Now, he couldn't think of anyone to hope or aim to date; he felt less loved then ever. Fortunately, he was kicked out of these thoughts soon, as Reborn burst through the window.

"Re-Reborn!" Tsuna got up from the floor, wincing, as he listened to the hitman. Reborn forced him outside, and began the most rigorous training he'd had in months.

Reborn began by forcing him into dying will mode, and made him sprint to some mountain-side cliffs, where they began in earnest. Reborn helped the boy in his own way, preventing him from having the time or energy to mope for the next few days. As a result, it was only late at night, when he was alone, that Tsuna could sigh and wonder how she was doing.

He saw Haru less and less over the coming days, but eventually she continued to hang out with them. Tsuna never discussed with her how hurt she was, or what she thought of him, an uneasy silence hanging between them occasionally. Still, she was able to laugh, which he found encouraging.

Tsuna was still wracked with guilt over how he had toyed with her, but felt even worse around Kyoko. She didn't choose to continue hanging around with them, and he hardly saw her at all these days. Trying to look at things objectively, Tsuna eventually realized that Kyoko was in the same spot he was in- had she said yes without feeling anything at all for him, it would have been the same as when he dated Haru.

This feeling of restlessness, and something half-finished continued to plague him when he thought of either girl. He wasn't sure why, but he thought there should be more to breaking up, or not dating that there was. Maybe he should apologize, and help get closure for Haru? But she seemed fine as things were, despite loving him for so long.

He had loved Kyoko for years, and would still date her if she asked him. But at the same time, she always left class in a hurry, and it was almost impossible to find her to let her know he was sorry. Maybe it was better she stay away from the whole group, and the mafia, he thought dejectedly…

The next few weeks followed a similar pattern- Reborn woke him up at odd times, forcing him out of bed in unusually cruel and creative ways. Once, he woke up to find an endangered python creeping around his legs.

He was always forced to exercise in some way before school, when he was at his weakest and least cooperative. After school, Reborn would hop on his shoulders and direct him to run as fast as he could to whatever training ground he decided on. This was gruelling enough, but the actual training seemed steadily more challenging. Tsuna began to push himself harder and harder, losing himself in the burn.

He wasn't improving at first, and never to his psychopath tutor's standards, but he found it much harder to be depressed when he was exhausted. If he fell asleep right away when he went to bed due to fatigue, there was no chance he would be thinking about girl problems all night.

Reborn recognised this, and encouraged his student in his usual fashion. However, he soon grew concerned. Tsuna had begun pushing himself too much- much harder than before. He could seriously hurt himself if he tried to increase his flames any further than he was. Not to mention the risk to civilians, of course, which was secondary as far as his thoughts went.

He understood the young Vongola to be, and soon figured what he was up to. Pushing himself completely into his training was hardly going to help him forget those girls, however, and he had to snap Tsuna out of it. He considered finding Longchamp, and having him hang around Tsuna some more. The boy's casual views on courtship would be refreshing to Tsuna, and might help him understand the old adage about there being more fish in the sea.

Ultimately, this idea was rejected, as finding Longchamp was too bothersome, and asking for help left a bad taste in the hitman's mouth. Tsuna would snap out of his mood soon enough on his own, he was sure.

But if he was going to get better, it wasn't anytime soon. The one thing Tsuna had thought of for so long, the only real focus his life had held was now gone. He had no dreams of a big job, beyond achieving a living. He honestly didn't care if he was remembered in the future, and making a difference in the world seemed too impossible.

No, there was only one goal he had in mind: to be loved. A family that he enjoyed being with, someone sweet and kind to wake up next to, and someone to share his strength with. Such a modest dream, but one that he could do so little towards.

How did someone find a partner? Pick up bars and clubbing was hardly the place to get to know someone, and it was probably the wrong kind of girl for him if she did go out to those places. He could try making himself more attractive to girls, but if everyone's tastes were different, then how could he do that? The only thing he could think of that every girl liked was a guy who showered and bathed regularly, and that was already taken care of.

As a concentrated burst of flames surrounded him, Tsuna sighed, out of Reborn's sight. He'd been building towards being with Kyoko for so long, his life now felt empty. What was he doing all of this for? He felt like quitting his training for the day, so he doubled the intensity of the flames and tried to burn himself. That still didn't hurt him, as usual for his own attack, so he tried increasing the size again.

Soon, a spiralling mountain of burning emotion surrounded the boy, easily thirty feet high. Still he pushed himself, as the flames darkened and spread out, burning grass and vegetation around him. Reborn was saying something, but he couldn't hear over the crackling and sizzling, and he didn't care- all that mattered was beating the flames around him. His sight was soon lost to him, smoke and a heat mirage overshadowing everything else.

Haru's hurt face crossed his mind, as Tsuna bashed his fist into the ground, flames crossing the ground like spider webs. Still he pushed himself, pouring every orange flame he had into the earth, wishing he could bury his own feelings alongside. His heart and chest ached, and his vision was growing blurry; he was close. He just felt like he had to push himself a little more- he deserved this.

The flames went out, and then the sky was wrong. Looking, he realised it was facing the wrong way, and his side felt strange. Uncomprehendingly, Tsuna listened to his infant tutor. He must have blacked out for a moment, and fallen over? Blinking, he realised he had burnt the entire scrub of this range of the mountains.

As Reborn said, "It's a good thing we don't train in your house, or else you'd be an orphan right now." Tsuna winced at his lack of self-control, and slowly made his way back into town, done for the day.

The sun had just set, and the sky was now purple with splashes of orange and red on the horizon. Tsuna felt hollow, and burnt out. Unconsciously, he had made his way to Yamamoto's place first, a short detour from his home. Thinking of the casual, optimistic baseballer, he supposed he would enjoy being around his rain guardian for a moment.

It was as he was just about to open the door when he noticed her. Sitting at a table, sharing some of his father's sushi, was Yamamoto and a girl.

Even at a distance, there was no doubt who it was. Her image and voice were engraved into his soul, as surely as stone.

Arm's spread wide for comic effect, Yamamoto suddenly put on a scary expression.

"… but that means… our sushi is people!" Kyoko giggled, hitting him in the chest lightly. He joined in her laughter, expression carefree and relaxed.

Tsuna stared blankly at them, rooted to the spot. Inside, a thousand and one emotions flurried around his heart; a heavy smothering emotion he couldn't name, a quick anger, a slow sadness, a deep sense of longing, simple happiness that two of his friends were happy. Which one was it? On the surface, he was calm, but he felt like he was drowning.

He was amazed they hadn't noticed him, standing behind the –it hurt to think- happy couple for so long. They seemed completely lost in each other's presence, a fact not lost on him. What was he doing?

He went to open the door, and confront them. What would he do? Hit Yamamoto? That option sounded tempting, and his hand had already balled into a fist. Congratulate them? That would be the most awkward and faked thing he could say. Maybe just order a drink, and leave without speaking to them? That last choice wouldn't accomplish anything, but at least they'd know he knew.

Sighing, he cursed himself for being able to think so calmly at a time like this. How he wished he could just run in and do something, act on the first emotion he felt! Tsuna turned, and ran as fast as he could home instead.

His lungs were burning, still tired from the training with Reborn, so he didn't make it straight away. In the end, he was at a slow pace when he reached his house. Looking back at the sky, he realized he did feel strangely calm. Maybe he was okay with those two dating after all.

Tsuna felt almost better knowing that other people were still dating and having fun. It was such a strange emotion, so hard to explain. He thought deeper, making sure not to let go of the feeling in his chest right now. It was like… there were always more people in the world.

He was guaranteed to meet new girls in his life, as he moved up in school and university. He had his whole life ahead of him, after all. For all he knew, there was a small, Vongola-allied mafia family that had just been thrust on a girl his own age, over in Italy. Tsuna smiled properly for what felt like the first time in weeks at the thought.

Whether it was a classmate such as Hana, or someone like Chrome that he knew from his mafia life, there were always more people to choose from.

The thought was a small comfort, to be sure, but it was enough for him.

* * *

**A/N: The end. Thanks to all who read this far, and reviewed or anything else that took their fancy.**


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